Monday, May 18, 2009

at long last

I haven't update in a looong time. My apologies: I kind of just stopped doing everything after all my tests were over.

AHH! Yesterday I bought theses amazing shoes at gojane.com. I definitely can't wait until they come... so excited to wear these over the summer to Taiwan!! And I'm just LOVING the studs.

Lalala~
On another note, I got my manuscript back today from Flume Press. Nope, didn't win, and didn't really expect to. But I was kind of looking forward to some deep feedback, but I didn't really get any... a little disappointed I suppose. It's okay, I'll just take from this and just try to improve! :)

Now Playing: Fuzzy Blue Lights - Owl City
If you guys haven't heard of Owl City yet, seriously go check them out! One of my favorite artists EVER.

Ahhh... will post inspiring fashion editorials and more random links soon!!

Friday, May 8, 2009

links

I'm totally inspired by A Cup of Jo. Periodically, she will post links of random and interesting sites that she's found. So, MY TURN!!

Hello Spring.

Now you can watch all the frames at once!

Talk to strangers.

A love letter? or 400?

Haikus and Errors

Read some fairytales.

Ahh... so lonely...

Clean.


My two loves.

Delicate graffiti.


Ahh... That is all for today. Enjoy, everyone!!

art portfolio

I'm working on my portfolio as a break from very draining AP tests.

A bad photo and a fashion illustration:

must...improve...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

lookbook: catch me when i fall for you~





Wearing: pink shoulder-tie shirt | denim vest | grey pleated skirt

http://lookbook.nu/look/135383-catch-me-when-i-fall-for-YOU


AHhhhh.... AP Calc test is coming up TOMORROW.

I must go study.

Monday, May 4, 2009

lookbook: strut your stuff

Ah... thank you everyone for the encouraging comments. Yes, I will get through this madness. It's awesome to know that you guys are all out there for me. :)

Today's lookbook:

Sorry about the repeated shoes... My friend edited three version for Lookbook and I'm much too lazy to go crop each one.

Wearing: black backless tunic | studded belt | combat boots from GoJane.com

http://lookbook.nu/look/134673-strut-your-stuff


I'm working on a portfolio for art. I'll post pictures as soon it's a decent collection.

Friday, May 1, 2009

frustrated

Warning: This is going to be my extremely long and rambly post about my little failures and massive thoughts. Haha, it seems like I have one of these every month or so...

This week has been pretty much awful. I had a bunch of huge tests and projects due. On Monday, I didn't sleep because I was working on this research paper, and I didn't get around to studying from my physics final because I was working on that essay.

Turns out I didn't do so well, and it looks like an A in physics is impossible. And if my essay is no good, an A in english is also pretty impossible.

I know I shouldn't care. I probably don't. But it doesn't matter anyway, because I will never be good enough for my mom.

It feels like no matter what I do, it's never enough. I mean, she doesn't say that to me, but I can feel it. Her whole life has revolved around her daughters and I am too afraid to find out what happens when I destroy that kind of expectation.

I'm scared to do anything that will upset her, but then again, I refuse to do a lot of what she wants from me. Whichever way I go, I am in eternal regret. Case in point: course requestors for next year. I want to take basically a bunch of art, music classes and communication courses, but I feel like if i don't take a certain number of academic classes, I'm setting myself up to fail in her eyes.

I don't know what to do. I'll end up regretting what I do, no matter what.

I don't think I know who I am anymore. I'm not sure if its acutally ME that wants this or this, or if I like this or this. I'm too worried about how it will affect my mom.

I keep saying, just two more weeks, just a little longer. It'll be over soon. But there's so much to DO. I don't know how to split my time up... I think I need to sacrifice something.

I wish I could go back to being a little kid, and just KNOW things. KNOW that mushrooms taste yucky, and KNOW that life is full of infinite possibilities.

This week, I cried a lot. I can't explain it. It must be the stress of AP tests and finals and picking courses and studying studying studying. But it just seems like the tears keep coming and I feel like such an idiot.

I expect a lot out of people. I feel so disappointed when someone isn't there for me who I expect to be. Or if someone doesn't do something right or anything. Everything.

I think I'm bound to live in the past. I keep thinking about these memories and they're echoing in my head and I don't where to let them fade away. I need to learn how to forget.

What do you do when people change?

What do you do when YOU change? How do you know you've changed? How can you know anything when you don't even know yourself?

I have so much to do...

Goodnight, darlings.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

a sestina

I actually kind of dreaded writing this for my creative writing class, but I ended up having a ton of fun with it. It's my first sestina and probably the longest poem I've ever written.

Saturday Morning Visitations

The rain is dashing down slowly, in a delirious run
down the cracked window, wood framing the delicious
glass. It glides down the slick surfaces, making new and continuous mountains
and rivers in front of her eyes. She sits and imagines ghosts
that must live in those destroyed paths
and thinks about past love and a familiar stranger.

She turns away from the window, choosing to ignore her stranger and stranger
thoughts tracing down her window. She gets in her car to make a run
to the nearby grocery store. She crosses the dirt paths
outside, muddy with rain. She wants to buy strawberries, how delicious
they will taste on this gloomy summer day! Her childish excitement ghosts
over her filmy windows, until it seems like mere strawberries can move the mountains

of her past. But her happiness is quickly dashed when she finds the usual mountains
of green strawberry baskets gone and replaced by things stranger
than she has ever seen. There are spiky fruits instead of her strawberries, now merely ghosts
of better grocery experiences. The tears come and because she is afraid her eyeliner will run,
she rushes out of the store and into her car, enjoying the delicious
cold blast from the air conditioner. She wipes her makeup before it can make paths

down her flushed cheeks when she sees him across the street, across the paths
of painful recognition. He doesn’t see her, and she is glad because mountains
have moved into her heart. Dark and cold they are, stealing the delicious
warmth of recovery that has made a fragile entrance in her heart, turning him into a stranger
not long ago. She sits in her car, thinking of how she would like to run
in front of him and declare her presence. But she must remind herself that he is just one of many ghosts

now. If she ran towards him with open arms, she would certainly fall because his arms, ghosts
as they are, are made of nothing but memories. Their past is merely an accident, paths
now weighted down with prickly briars and heavy, old perfume. She wants to run
her fingers through her hair, but feels like her heart, heavy with those mountains,
may have just lost the strength to do that. She drives home through unfamiliar roads, until the stranger
and stranger landscape tells her she is in an unknown town. To her, this is a delicious

discovery, because maybe here, she will relearn the feeling of detached remembrance. Now, the delicious
sun is peeking out and the rain is gone, those droplets quickly becoming ghosts
on her windshields. She thinks, he must become a stranger, stranger
than the prickly fruits she saw in the grocery store, and much more inaccessible. If their paths
crossed again, well then, her heart will not move. She will be like mountains.
Having settled this, she gets into her car and begins to run

the engine, humming strange and stranger songs as she retakes paths
into her hometown. On her way back, she spies and purchases some delicious strawberries, no longer ghosts
of rainy grocery trips. With her strawberries, there is no way even mountains can destroy the way her heart will now run.

lookbook: the mountains are too high, the rivers are too wide


Wearing: Grey Oxford Heels | black tights | studded belt | knitted white tank

http://lookbook.nu/look/130897-the-mountains-are-too-high-the-rivers-are-too-wide

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

crash and burn

I pulled an all-nighter last night.
I hate research papers.

lookbook: love me more than i love you

Wearing: grey cable sweater | black tights | brown booties | vintage floral dress | skeleton key | handmade bracelet | heart necklace

http://lookbook.nu/look/130165-love-me-more-than-i-love-you

Monday, April 27, 2009

...monday night

It's going to be terrible night. A big paper due and my physics final... WHEEE

To cheer myself and everyone else up!

This is so cute and cheery! And definitely funny...

Smile, everyone.

from: My First Dictionary

Sunday, April 26, 2009

work

I've been doing work all day....
Time for my stress reliever.

I want hair like this. ENVY. (from stylepill.wordpress.com)

Isn't this so happy and carefree? Life will revert to this...after 3 weeks. (from Lorick, Spring)

Lastly, two photos from me, unedited. The first was taken at San Francisco, and the second was taken at my school. More pictures to convince myself that it will all be over SOON.

Now Playing: Moulin Rouge - Bolero
Now Reading: Anne of Green Gables

fashion and fairytales









I love this shoot.
Yes, Peter Pan is spelled wrong.


From Singles - Go Ara and I can't find his name.
Source: soompi.com

Saturday, April 25, 2009

a rumination








Isn't it strange that everyone wants to be loved?
I wonder if romantic love is that much more different than any other kind of love.
Maybe it's the children that have it right; love is the same love for everyone.
Maybe it just all boils down to who you like talking to and who you enjoy spending time with.
Then, I suppose, that unconditional love seems a little ridiculous.
Why should anything be unconditional?
How could you love a child, even if they grow up and become monsters?
But, we are strange things.
I think love is so hyped up, that inevitable I will be disappointed. Maybe it isn't all that good.
Maybe we are all reaching for something fantastic and unworldly, an emotion that only belongs in places of imagination and Disneyland.
I think a kiss will taste like candy. Like stolen candy, because stolen candy always tastes better.
I want to love more. I think I'm too selfish and demanding. I'm not selfless enough to love many people.
I want to love more. I want to love.
I don't think there is someone you are fated to be with. If there is, well, it just seems like there are so many ways to go wrong.
I think love is just a lot of work. Not in a bad way really, but it's all about the time and effort you put it.
I suppose certain people are better suited for each other than others, but is it really possible to find someone you are fated to love?
I wonder how you know if you find your fated person, if that does exist.
I wonder how it's so easy to love a flower, a food, but sometimes it's just impossible to even like a person.
People are strange things.



all photos: flickr.com

Friday, April 24, 2009

i've been lazy...

I realized that I don't update this blog nearly as often as I would like to. I'm just an incredibly lazy person.

But, I have VOWED, VOWED I TELL YOU, to update this more.

This past week has been pretty terrible in terms of school. I didn't have that much homework, but I've been going to sleep really really late every night. There must be a leak somewhere, my time is rushing down the drain.

The next couple of weeks are going to be pretty hellish, with AP Tests, some early finals, my english paper, heh calculus test, many many AP Euro sessions, and quite a few jazz performances. Not to mention, our ATA club is starting a new campaign...

Okay, I'll just not think about it right now. I'm hoping that updating my blog everyday should help me relieve some stress and give me a little bit of sunshine for the coming weeks.

Haha, I'm done rambling. Here is the Etsy Find of the Day. Oh, and sorry for the lack of outfits, but I've been so lazy that I've been wearing jeans and henleys almost all week. I know... so disappointing...

These prints are from DannyRoberts's shop. He draws AMAZING stuff, and many of his prints are renditions of popular bloggers like Rumi, Betty, and Karla.

I love the bright, eye-popping colors and the thin, graceful lines. When I look at these, it makes me really want to grab a piece of paper and just start drawing. The figures he draws are beautiful in such an ethereal, strange way, but that's why I love them.

Check out his store!

Also, pictures of my newest knitted project coming soon!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

tuesday

I think I just have demons to wrestle with. I think that the monsters are all gone already. It's just the invisible, the ghosts and demons that haunt me and haunt me... and I can't fall asleep at night anymore.