a sestina

I actually kind of dreaded writing this for my creative writing class, but I ended up having a ton of fun with it. It's my first sestina and probably the longest poem I've ever written.

Saturday Morning Visitations

The rain is dashing down slowly, in a delirious run
down the cracked window, wood framing the delicious
glass. It glides down the slick surfaces, making new and continuous mountains
and rivers in front of her eyes. She sits and imagines ghosts
that must live in those destroyed paths
and thinks about past love and a familiar stranger.

She turns away from the window, choosing to ignore her stranger and stranger
thoughts tracing down her window. She gets in her car to make a run
to the nearby grocery store. She crosses the dirt paths
outside, muddy with rain. She wants to buy strawberries, how delicious
they will taste on this gloomy summer day! Her childish excitement ghosts
over her filmy windows, until it seems like mere strawberries can move the mountains

of her past. But her happiness is quickly dashed when she finds the usual mountains
of green strawberry baskets gone and replaced by things stranger
than she has ever seen. There are spiky fruits instead of her strawberries, now merely ghosts
of better grocery experiences. The tears come and because she is afraid her eyeliner will run,
she rushes out of the store and into her car, enjoying the delicious
cold blast from the air conditioner. She wipes her makeup before it can make paths

down her flushed cheeks when she sees him across the street, across the paths
of painful recognition. He doesn’t see her, and she is glad because mountains
have moved into her heart. Dark and cold they are, stealing the delicious
warmth of recovery that has made a fragile entrance in her heart, turning him into a stranger
not long ago. She sits in her car, thinking of how she would like to run
in front of him and declare her presence. But she must remind herself that he is just one of many ghosts

now. If she ran towards him with open arms, she would certainly fall because his arms, ghosts
as they are, are made of nothing but memories. Their past is merely an accident, paths
now weighted down with prickly briars and heavy, old perfume. She wants to run
her fingers through her hair, but feels like her heart, heavy with those mountains,
may have just lost the strength to do that. She drives home through unfamiliar roads, until the stranger
and stranger landscape tells her she is in an unknown town. To her, this is a delicious

discovery, because maybe here, she will relearn the feeling of detached remembrance. Now, the delicious
sun is peeking out and the rain is gone, those droplets quickly becoming ghosts
on her windshields. She thinks, he must become a stranger, stranger
than the prickly fruits she saw in the grocery store, and much more inaccessible. If their paths
crossed again, well then, her heart will not move. She will be like mountains.
Having settled this, she gets into her car and begins to run

the engine, humming strange and stranger songs as she retakes paths
into her hometown. On her way back, she spies and purchases some delicious strawberries, no longer ghosts
of rainy grocery trips. With her strawberries, there is no way even mountains can destroy the way her heart will now run.

lookbook: the mountains are too high, the rivers are too wide

Wearing: Grey Oxford Heels | black tights | studded belt | knitted white tank

http://lookbook.nu/look/130897-the-mountains-are-too-high-the-rivers-are-too-wide

crash and burn

I pulled an all-nighter last night.
I hate research papers.

lookbook: love me more than i love you

Wearing: grey cable sweater | black tights | brown booties | vintage floral dress | skeleton key | handmade bracelet | heart necklace

http://lookbook.nu/look/130165-love-me-more-than-i-love-you

...monday night

It's going to be terrible night. A big paper due and my physics final... WHEEE

To cheer myself and everyone else up!

This is so cute and cheery! And definitely funny...

Smile, everyone.

from: My First Dictionary

work

I've been doing work all day....
Time for my stress reliever.

I want hair like this. ENVY. (from stylepill.wordpress.com)

Isn't this so happy and carefree? Life will revert to this...after 3 weeks. (from Lorick, Spring)

Lastly, two photos from me, unedited. The first was taken at San Francisco, and the second was taken at my school. More pictures to convince myself that it will all be over SOON.

Now Playing: Moulin Rouge - Bolero
Now Reading: Anne of Green Gables

fashion and fairytales

I love this shoot.
Yes, Peter Pan is spelled wrong.


From Singles - Go Ara and I can't find his name.
Source: soompi.com

a rumination

Isn't it strange that everyone wants to be loved?
I wonder if romantic love is that much more different than any other kind of love.
Maybe it's the children that have it right; love is the same love for everyone.
Maybe it just all boils down to who you like talking to and who you enjoy spending time with.
Then, I suppose, that unconditional love seems a little ridiculous.
Why should anything be unconditional?
How could you love a child, even if they grow up and become monsters?
But, we are strange things.
I think love is so hyped up, that inevitable I will be disappointed. Maybe it isn't all that good.
Maybe we are all reaching for something fantastic and unworldly, an emotion that only belongs in places of imagination and Disneyland.
I think a kiss will taste like candy. Like stolen candy, because stolen candy always tastes better.
I want to love more. I think I'm too selfish and demanding. I'm not selfless enough to love many people.
I want to love more. I want to love.
I don't think there is someone you are fated to be with. If there is, well, it just seems like there are so many ways to go wrong.
I think love is just a lot of work. Not in a bad way really, but it's all about the time and effort you put it.
I suppose certain people are better suited for each other than others, but is it really possible to find someone you are fated to love?
I wonder how you know if you find your fated person, if that does exist.
I wonder how it's so easy to love a flower, a food, but sometimes it's just impossible to even like a person.
People are strange things.



all photos: flickr.com

i've been lazy...

I realized that I don't update this blog nearly as often as I would like to. I'm just an incredibly lazy person.

But, I have VOWED, VOWED I TELL YOU, to update this more.

This past week has been pretty terrible in terms of school. I didn't have that much homework, but I've been going to sleep really really late every night. There must be a leak somewhere, my time is rushing down the drain.

The next couple of weeks are going to be pretty hellish, with AP Tests, some early finals, my english paper, heh calculus test, many many AP Euro sessions, and quite a few jazz performances. Not to mention, our ATA club is starting a new campaign...

Okay, I'll just not think about it right now. I'm hoping that updating my blog everyday should help me relieve some stress and give me a little bit of sunshine for the coming weeks.

Haha, I'm done rambling. Here is the Etsy Find of the Day. Oh, and sorry for the lack of outfits, but I've been so lazy that I've been wearing jeans and henleys almost all week. I know... so disappointing...

These prints are from DannyRoberts's shop. He draws AMAZING stuff, and many of his prints are renditions of popular bloggers like Rumi, Betty, and Karla.

I love the bright, eye-popping colors and the thin, graceful lines. When I look at these, it makes me really want to grab a piece of paper and just start drawing. The figures he draws are beautiful in such an ethereal, strange way, but that's why I love them.

Check out his store!

Also, pictures of my newest knitted project coming soon!

tuesday

I think I just have demons to wrestle with. I think that the monsters are all gone already. It's just the invisible, the ghosts and demons that haunt me and haunt me... and I can't fall asleep at night anymore.

WHY

WHY IS IT SO HOT.

It was 97 today. IT'S APRIL. APRIL!!

Back to school... Spring Break was okay I guess. I didn't do much hw-wise or hang-out-wise but I read and ate a lot.

Now we are back to our slew of fails.

Angela: so

i want to take a shower

except i cant

because i have lost my pj shirt

blarhg

Life is amazing, huh?

Sorry to be a pessimist, but it's HOT.


Now Playing: Jelly (Album Edit) - Capsule

sigh

from: http://www.brigittesire.com/

exhausted

It's been kind of a terrible week. Not a lot of sleep, tests, stress, irritation...

It's always before break that is the worst...teachers all want to cram in the tests before the vacation. I'm going to spend all of break trying to recover...

I really can't wait though. Today I called the Driver's Teen Academy thing and scheduled my lessons (yeah I know, I'm very behind) and the hair salon so I can finally get a haircut. It felt good to get things done...

But I'm so tired. I fell asleep in every one of my classes. Oh...dear...

Anyway, today I feel particularly uhm
I don't really know how to describe it. Like I'm running to try to catch up with everything. No matter how fast I go, or how much I try, it feels like the world is tumbling out of my control.

Time is moving so slowly... but I feel like when I finally wake up, the world would have come, gone, and left me all alone.





I'm scared of being alone.






Now Playing: Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You
...the good old stuff...

lookbook: black and black black

Wearing: black top | black pleated skirt | black tights

http://lookbook.nu/look/111489-black-and-black-and-black

lookbook: book and libraries

uhmm...I don't know what I was doing...but I was greatly amused by this picture. So. Yeah...

Wearing: light cotton blouse | lace scarf made by me | jean shorts | black tights | white slip-on canvas shoes | black bowling purse from RUCHE

http://lookbook.nu/look/109410-books-and-libraries

today...

I keep falling asleep in class. I suppose it has to do with my incomprehensible desires to watch movies everyday, weeknights included.

The strangest thing happens when I fall asleep in music classes though. I start dreaming, but it's more like 5 second snapshots and lightning speed stream of consciousness. My brain dreams random RANDOM stuff, from like Italy to the composition of the ink of my pen. I don't really understand it. I've tried explaining how totally bizarre this is, but not only is it strange dreams, but it also occurs in the time frame of about one minute, and no one but James seems to really get it. Maybe we are just a pair of oddballs.

No, but seriously. Most BIZARRE thing EVER. And it only happens in music classes.

I always want to grab a pencil and a notebook and jot things down when I'm flying through surreal universes like that. It's like Freudian psychology or something... anyway, I'm sure it would make amazing inspiration for amazing poetry.

And yeah...my head lolls when I'm dreaming like that. James has confirmed that. (is embarrassed...)

I also fell asleep in AP Euro today. I really didn't mean to but uh...yeah. Apparently, Mr. Feldt was like: Jasmine. Jasmine. JASMINE. ... Lemiece, can you wake her up?

When I opened my eyes, everyone was staring at me. I was like: HUH?! and Mr. Feldt goes: I just wanted to let you know that Stalin is alive.

Mr. Feldt is sheer awesomeness. But geezus, that wasn't embarrassing at all....

So, I went home and took a 4.5 hr nap. Uhm... yeah. I woke up at 9:30 because James called me, suspicious that I was totally conked out. When he told me the time...let's just say there was profanity. An ample amount of it.

I'm kinda rambling but yeah.

Here are some poems written for my creative writing class:

a love poem
watch me dance
dance
dance with me
so maybe you don’t wanna dance?
no, no
dance with me
watch me
dance with you

temptations
if I touch you softly
can you hear me?
and if I say don’t go
don’t go
will you be able resist the
cherry red lips of Freedom
and come warm my grey mouth of loneliness
instead?

a celebration
I have netting on my legs
vines crawling up my calves
my thighs embossed with
lacy roses
there’s netting on my legs
scandalous, daring
oh! shocking!
I can feel the rush of
headlong apprehension
as I walk down the streets
strutting to the music
of my lace legs

Here's one that's sort of a found poem/inspired by a passage from the Life of Pi by Yann Martel (which is a great book.)

fear
i must say something
about fear
it’s life’s only true opponent

it’s sly! slipping into your mind like a spy
you are weakening, wavering…

quickly now! rash decisions: come come!
goodbye, hope! trust!

and then fear nestles softly in your memory
like a gangrene

and then it’s too late
and you will find
that somewhere in that wordless darkness
you lost
because you have never fought the opponent
who defeated you

Yup yup, I think that's all I have to say now...

Time to go read 20 pages of the FUN enviro lab manuel...

Now Playing: Tokio Hotel - Totgeliebt